unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So apparently I’m into choking now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
