That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
