I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
