So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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