One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
