Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
