why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
