So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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