True but thats because hes a fetus.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
