Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
