kristin has been a bad kristin
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
