Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
