Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
