U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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