I'm eating all of the evidence.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
