Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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