aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
