let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We have so much sex to catch up on
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Success! We fucked roommates!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
