if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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