I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
