Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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