Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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