My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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