dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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