I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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