Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
