a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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