we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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