i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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