she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
