Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
