You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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