I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
