My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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