Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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