omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
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I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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