i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
