Betty ford says i'm here all night
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
