I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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