I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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