whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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