I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.