its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.