Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro