what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'