You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
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Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
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afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...