Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.

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  (734): I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success. http://tfl.nu/p2jc
  Replies (8) Good night (2373) Bad night (652)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?

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  (615): Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN? http://tfl.nu/nemo
  Replies (9) Good night (3221) Bad night (1153)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.

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  (417): Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library. http://tfl.nu/8guv
  Replies (13) Good night (1088) Bad night (4907)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME

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  (914): Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME http://tfl.nu/u7n7
  Replies (16) Good night (4157) Bad night (1352)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.

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  (407): Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine. http://tfl.nu/l8j9
  Replies (19) Good night (1434) Bad night (2972)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor

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  (765): The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor http://tfl.nu/xtoh
  Replies (7) Good night (2706) Bad night (922)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?

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  (941): Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night? http://tfl.nu/uq24
  Replies (18) Good night (5468) Bad night (979)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.

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  (917): She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for. http://tfl.nu/k05b
  Replies (7) Good night (3792) Bad night (743)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Are you alive?

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.

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  (204): Are you alive? (1-204): I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all. http://tfl.nu/y639
  Replies (4) Good night (1672) Bad night (821)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???

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  (907): Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed??? http://tfl.nu/qbm2
  Replies (20) Good night (2541) Bad night (642)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  It's blow job season.

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  (515): It's blow job season. http://tfl.nu/1yxc
  Replies (51) Good night (1756) Bad night (593)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.

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  (603): Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by. http://tfl.nu/jwsa
  Replies (2) Good night (1245) Bad night (427)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups

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  (216): facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups http://tfl.nu/n2ou
  Replies (0) Good night (358) Bad night (663)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.

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  (604): I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake. http://tfl.nu/8flx
  Replies (1) Good night (365) Bad night (240)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!

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  (608): I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!! http://tfl.nu/lz1z
  Replies (0) Good night (696) Bad night (214)

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