I can feel you judging me through the phone.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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