R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway