Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.

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  (312): dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it. http://tfl.nu/1896
  Replies (22) Good night (1026) Bad night (8440)
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  (415): View more from California

  Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in

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  (415): Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in http://tfl.nu/whuh
  Replies (14) Good night (4669) Bad night (2286)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.

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  (630): We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives. http://tfl.nu/wwoi
  Replies (5) Good night (4060) Bad night (1033)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.

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  (641): We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard. http://tfl.nu/xmhj
  Replies (12) Good night (4417) Bad night (1160)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.

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  (540): You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened. http://tfl.nu/x4ak
  Replies (2) Good night (2678) Bad night (929)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.

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  (859): It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face. http://tfl.nu/gh9q
  Replies (9) Good night (1278) Bad night (2477)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.

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  (253): If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life. http://tfl.nu/jc0t
  Replies (15) Good night (3498) Bad night (991)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.

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  (314): Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge. http://tfl.nu/n4av
  Replies (7) Good night (1316) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.

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  (805): Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/3xan
  Replies (0) Good night (507) Bad night (573)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"

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  (704): I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!" http://tfl.nu/68n8
  Replies (3) Good night (570) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven

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  (+44): The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven http://tfl.nu/nqqz
  Replies (11) Good night (987) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless

  (209): View more from California

  Sacramento doesn't deserve you

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  (916): Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless (209): Sacramento doesn't deserve you http://tfl.nu/wsxj
  Replies (5) Good night (848) Bad night (369)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"

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  (425): It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord" http://tfl.nu/9kd9
  Replies (3) Good night (541) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.

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  (480): Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him. http://tfl.nu/55pw
  Replies (0) Good night (1706) Bad night (395)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.

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  (915): She picked me up from the bar in her underwear. http://tfl.nu/f3sc
  Replies (3) Good night (665) Bad night (195)

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