I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
