Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
