Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
