Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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