apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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