she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
