Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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