I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
