would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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