So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
