rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
