the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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