corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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