I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
