Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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