oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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