Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
