Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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