he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
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Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
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My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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