First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
im on a boat
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