I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
