this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
