Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
