my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
