Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
