Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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