I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
