Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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