Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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