I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
